CHARACTERS:
Travis: a janitor, any age
Martha: a bag lady. Over 55.
Bench. Teresa sits, throwing bread to pigeons, a shopping cart filled with clothes next to her. Elizabeth enters, carrying a clipboard and looking around. Sees Teresa, stops. Looks at clipboard, looks at Teresa. Quickly tucks clipboard in brief case.
TERESA: (looks up briefly, then picks up new loaf and begins tearing it into small chunks)
TERESA: You talking to me?
TERESA: It’s Wonder Bread. Builds strong bodies eight ways. Or is it ten ways? Whatever.
TERESA: Pigeons look healthy to me.
TERESA: Birds got to shit someplace.
TERESA: So? Birds got a right to eat.
TERESA: Better here than someplace where the hawks’ll get them.
TERESA: I’m supporting them, not the ekko-what’s-its. Pigeons are God’s creatures.
TERESA: Of course not. I’m an old lady. All I do is feed poor helpless birds.
TRAVIS enters, with broom. He exchanges glance with
TRAVIS: Jesus Christ, lady. Get the fuck out of here with those goddam crumbs.
TERESA: Language! Is that any way to talk to a lady who’s old enough to be your grandmother?
TRAVIS: My grandmother doesn’t feed fucking pigeons when she’s been told not to. Where I got to clean up their shit and her bread. And deal with the rats.
TRAVIS: Rats. This old nutcase brings so much bread the birds can’t eat it all. So we got rats as well. Hundreds of rats. Plus the Health Inspectors.
TRAVIS: They say the birds and the rats and the bread are a safety and health menace. So the
TERESA: God hears you. And God wants me to feed the birds. Otherwise they’d starve.
TRAVIS: Christ, are you fucking nuts? This is a city overflowing with trash cans. It’s a fucking bird banquet out there. They don’t need your stupid Wonder Bread. Look how much of it they leave—for the rats!
TERESA: The birds need help. They can’t survive on garbage.
TERESA: Elvira fed them. The previous bird lady. She fed them here when I was younger. And Nellie did it before Elvira. And all the bird ladies before her.
TRAVIS: I don’t care how many bird ladies there were. Get off this damn bench and go home. (Glances at shopping cart.) If you have one.
TERESA: This is public property. I can sit here if I want.
TRAVIS: And I can grab your fucking bread if I want. (He grabs bag of loaves of bread)
TERESA: Give that back! Thief! Thief! You shouldn’t steal from a helpless old lady!
TRAVIS: Watch me. (He takes bag of bread into the building.)
TERESA: The birds ! The poor birds! They’ll starve! I have to go buy more bread!
TERESA: Well, I don’t know. They’re used to the bread I give them.
TERESA: NO! (She pushes
TERESA: How do you know my name?
TERESA: You can’t take me any place without my permission!
TRAVIS: I’ll put out the poisoned birdseed when I get back. Now that we can stop her feeding them, it’ll be easy to get rid of them.
ELIZABETH exits, followed by TRAVIS, who drags TERESA. After a short pause, MARTHA enters, carrying a bag of bread.
(She tears bread into pieces and throws it into the street, whistling for the birds as she does so. Pigeons coo happily. Curtain.)